Friday, March 31, 2006

happy ending

Anong petsa na???

April's knocking now. And yes, you read it right.

My March is happily ending...

Not because I found out earlier that he'd still be in this grounds next school year (aksidente to ha! I really did not go out and look for it.) but because I've completed my articles for Monday's assignment, which means that I won't have to go here (the library in particular) and burn my eyes looking for them. I'm half done... have to summarize and integrate them in my own words nalang! Weeeeh...

Hindi ako uuwi this weekend KAHIT:
* sobrang miss ko na si Noelle at ang aking kama.
* I know that Cogie's underfed-- ako lang at si Nanay ang matino mag-asikaso sa kanya no.
* hindi ko makikita ang aking dear sister na mag-MUSE for Alfonso's basketball league.
* mas makakamura ako ng P42 dahil I can have my articles printed in our ever reliable ribbon printer

DAHIL I know I'm doing myself a favor. Unang-una, nag-aaway lang kami ng napakabait kong kapatid kapag kami'y within 5 meter radius. Next, sasakit lang ulo ko sa itsura ng bahay. Lastly, I will just devote my whole weekend tidying our house to be suitable for human living.

And-- I know it will be hard for me again to leave home on Monday. Aba! Hindi madali yun ha... seeing your sister crying, begging you not to leave.

So konting sakripisyo lang.

Devoting my weekend for ACMOD3E is too much, I know pero that's life. I'd still see him naman 'till September... baka till December pa nga e!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

leaving home

I'm much better now.

Ealier, mukha akong sira. I was like in a telenovela; crying alone in the bus for a shallow reason. Ganito talaga ako, mababaw ang luha, weak... iyakin! Though I've been doing this every week, I found it hard to leave home this morning-- very hard that my mind was lost in space (you can actually snatch my bag and I wouldn't know), I couldn't breath well, I was numb. Basta. I can't explain it. I don't like to leave Noelle! Ayan, naiiyak na naman ako. Isasama ko nga sana kaso ayaw ni Tatay. Actually, she won't be harmed if I leave. I just don't like the fact na si Nina lang ang kasama niya dun. Asar, naiyak na talaga ako dito sa comlab, na naman, MAG-ISA.

Pause muna sa pagdadrama. FYI, he's here! As in RDDC! Oh well, our eyes met again, he passed my side twice na (wala siyang pabango man lang?) the second time e tiningnan pa niya yung ginagawa ko (feeler!) and guess sino kasama niya??? as if there's a need to ask diba? e di yung laging naka-orange pero di naka orange ngayon.

Back to dramatizing, oh well, ganito lang ako ka-attach sa pamilya ko. Ang Nanay kasi e!

Grabe ang state ng bahay kahapon: tambak na ligpitin, kabundok na tiklupin, maamag na mga tinapay, more than full na basurahan... lahat na! haaay, IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT MOTHERS. I just can't... (~~,)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

feeling diary

i miss my Nanay so much... huhuhuhu.

i've been wishing for our eyes to meet once again and this has already been granted yesterday kaya weeeeeh. that was weird talaga... serendipity???destiny?luck?self-fulfilling prophecy? whatever.

who said Chinese are stingy? Kirk can be but he knows the word 'treat ko kayo' for whatever reason. yumm Strawberry and cream frappe...

for the first time in my acmod3 term, kahapon ko lang na feel yung feeling na hindi ako mangangamote sa compre ko,,, praise the Lord.

i know even before i was born na pag-umuwi ako ngayon dito sa Sta Rosa, maiiinis lang ako sa dadatnan kong state ng bahay namin (wala nga kasi si Nanay), and yet, i still did go home. haay... in fairness di ko rin matiis si Noelli

it feels good. atleast most of my accounting pool are still interested with the org. if i can't impose dedication, kahit cooperation ok na. basta ga-graduate akong may special award...

about my last statement sa taas, kahit pala wala na. i've reached my dream (pool member na po ako), fulfilled my desire na makapagturo... yun lang naman gusto ko e. icing na lang yung special award

na-miss ko yung JAM bus. wala lang... nagdadrama lang, hehe.

our research subject just started and i feel this isn't like my other acctg subjects... ibang level na tu. furthermore, wow, to think, this is our last acctg subject narin,,, we'll graduate soon. but for now: library, here i come.

thought i'd just share

The Earth revolves around the sun. The Earth rotates on its axis. Time passes you by.Life happens.Our lives: a mosaic of good and bad experiences.A quest for GreatnessBounded by Actions:The Ones we are capable of doing,The Ones we took,The Ones we never did...
--Mendoza, Paolo

by: Mary Catherine L. Mendoza

We are born to a busy world, and everyday we take every opportunity to find ourselves. We try to give our lives meaning: by discovering our purpose. In the process, we begin to dream, and then explore. We either: loose track; get lost; find answers to our questions; fulfill our dreams. This is a very basic pattern of existence. These are homologous elements to life as a student, a professional, an individual. It's a jungle out there, whatever world you are in.The possibility of failing is very palpable, but we have to risk it, because if we don't step forward, we will always find ourselves in the same place.

We only live once. We only have one shot! That is why we find it hard to reconcile with our past, and cringe about our failures.Regret-Disappointment-Giving up is just not the path we should take.In the pursuit of Greatness, we inevitably experience setbacks. To be able to move FORWARD, we should LOOK BACK.

LAYOUT: The process of Retrospection knows only one direction, and these are the 3 P's : the Present, the Past, and the Porvenir (or Future) This guides you on how to take into account and to analyze the elements in your story. Details are of value.ONE ITEM AT A TIME RULE: As we start our journey of the Present time, it is imperative that we identify what we have. Is it a problem that needs to be resolved? Is it a goal that needs to be achieved? This way, we can deal with each concern independently, or with reference to other concerns.
OBTAIN SUBSTANTIAL EVIDENCE: It is all-important to gather relevant information. This way, we establish the problem in terms of its nature, the causes, the effects, the factors that come into play. This way, we can strategize on achieving the goal. Of utmost importance is that we consider a few things as we set our goals. In goal setting: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound (SMART)!
KNOWING WHERE YOU STAND: Only in carefully looking at the elements that make up a problem or a goal, the substantial evidence we obtained will tell us where we are. Being able to describe and define our status at a particular moment is vital in dealing with our concerns.

BE HUMBLE: The journey to the past: it is always best to start with Failure. This entails a certain degree of honesty and courage to accept Failure. More so, honor it. Finger pointing does not help nor resolve anything. It is by knowing and accepting our faults, our deficiencies that we are able to understand that some things are bound to fail, and some things we can't control.
ABSOLVE: When we are able to forgive, we free ourselves of the excess baggages of life. This way, we can deal with the issue intimately. Our journey towards achievement or failure is personal, and it follows that we could get bumped and bruised. Grandstanding is the concept that some people have contributed to the equation of failure. When people- meaning, all of us- fall short of doing something that is expected or required of us, intentionally or unintentionally, we get disappointed. We get hurt. In Forgiving, we reconcile with the universe, and most importantly, we reconcile with ourselves.
CREDIT: We should take credit for the things we have done. Justice dictates that we own our contributions- be it our ideas, our talent, our skill, our effort, and even just our sheer interest. No "False Humility" allowed. Own it! That is why, even in Failure, it is always consoling to know that we have done what was asked of us, what we could our best.
KINSHIP AND KEENNESS: The journey to the future works on the premise that everything comes in due time. To move forward, everything must be accounted for. Everything in life is relevant depending on how we take it. Learn from mistakes, that every experience may be of meaning. To bring with us memories, we should ardently take on new challenges. Every failure is a victory.

We live only once.Until the time that man can already harness the bounds of time and space, I'd be thinking of this song from Aqua... If only I could turn back time. No time traveling. But then again, we could always look back.

Friday, March 24, 2006

hey nerd!

"hindi ako nerd dahil nagbabadminton ako!" that your defense too when accused of being a nerd?

ahm, then mangamba ka na.

for i know some friends (more than one) na ganyang- ganyan ang linya pagsinasabihang 'nerd ka na, have a life.'

atleast for sure i'm not a nerd, a certified one, especially these days.


i've never used that line before.

haler, my night life na ako!!! for three consecutive days na akong walang ginagawa sa gabi kundi kumain ng party foods and to socialize with people. napupuyat ako not because of my studies pero dahil sa parties na itu. not to mention last week's getawayS...

and i've tried the 'walang tulugan' challenge with my friends: bar hopping, baywalking, marathon chikahan sa starbucks

and meron bang nerd na bumabagsak??? none that i know.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

rich in madness

Sadyang may mga bagay na hindi naipapaliwanag; kahit anong paghahanap at pagtatanong pa ang gawin, walang makakapagsabi sa akin kung bakit. O am I just denying?

I'm over you. Right. Kaya nga ako puro pananabik e. Kasi I'm over you.

Contradicting ba?

Yung mahigit isang buwan nating hindi pagkikita, akala ko naalis narin kita dito. Nakakatawa pero lalo akong naghanap. Malayo man ako sa La Salle, isip ko'y tila andun lang: ano kaya kulay ng suot niya, nasaan kaya siya ngayon, sino kaya kasama niya... Kaya naman kung anong galak ang nadama ko noong Martes ng gabi dahil kinabukasan ay balik klasrum na kami; mas malaki na ang posibilidad na masulyapan ka ulit.

Huwag na natin i-deny. Kung hindi man "I'll never get over you ang drama ko, panigurado "I'll have a hard time getting over you". I tried to divert my attention to other things, other male species -- isang paraan na napatunayan ko nang effective kung gusto makalimot -- ngunit sino ngayon ang ginagawan ng sulating ito? Hindi si Sir Caloy o si Alex o si Derick. Lahat na ginawa kong crush ngunit hindi ako nagtagumpay. Tila mas "OK" naman si Sir Emil kumpara sayo, itsura palang! Hindi ko talaga masabi kung anong meron sayo, e tulad ka rin naman nilang bagong mukha, acquaintance lang and out-of-my-reach! Ni wala tayong koneksyon!

Expect the unexpected. Kahapon hindi tumigil ang bumubulong sa aking isip. "Makakasalubong ko ba siya? Makakasalubong ko ba siya?" Kahit lampas 5pm na, umasa parin akong dadaan ka sa harap ko. Hanggang lumalim na ang gabi at imposibleng asa skul ka pa... At tsaka tayo nagkasalubong. A wish come true? Medyo, kasi ang pinapanabikan ko talaga ay yung magkasalubong ang ating mga tingin! HIndi man ganun ang nangyari (dahil hindi na talaga kita matingnan tulad ng dati) nakita parin kita at gayun din naman ikaw. Kaya ngayon, walang patid ang isip ko sa paglalaro ng pangyayari kahapon... kung pano kita nakita malayo palang, kung pano ko iniwasan ang iyong mga mata, kunwaring di kita nakita at yung fact na si Jay na naman ang kasama mo. Haay...

Gusto kitang makita muli; sana lang nagagawa ko paring titigan ka tulad dati -- natititigan kita hanggang sa tumingin ka rin at tsaka ko lang matatanto na nakatitig na pala ako. Gusto kitang makitang muli na naka-corporate attire o kaya yung naka cap. Gusto kitang makita muli na parang bata kung sumubo ng KFC Go-go sandwich. Gusto... kita.

Magkikita pa kaya tayo pagkatapos ng terminong ito? Naku, ilang araw nalang pala bago matapos itong 3rd term. Ayos naring di na, para lubusan na ang aking paghihilom at maka-move on na. Pero bakit ganun, may nagsasabi saking magkikita parin tayo? Pagnangyari yun, tatangis na naman ba ko ng ganito?

Ang hirap naman kausap ng pusong ito. Ano ba nakukuha ko sayo? Imbis na ako'y mapabuti, nade-depress lang ako. Nakakafocus ba ako? Masokista talaga ang puso. Alam namang masasaktan lang, eto, patuloy paring umaasa. Ayoko ng ganito, walang ginagawa -- puro reklamo, saloobin, pananangis... ngunit ano pa ba magagawa ko? LET THINGS FLOW AS THEY WOULD, WAG MO NG PANGUNAHAN. Some things are better when left alone. Pero hahayaan ko nalang ba??? O well, may ginawa na pala ako, dami nga e, pero talagang hindi ganun e.

Hindi kaya dahil you're the boy (man) of my dreams? Wow, alam ko pala kung family-oriented ka or what e. Then Chinese ka pa. So I can't say you're my ideal guy. Physically-attracted/infatuated? Haler??? I admit may itsura ka pero wow naman, pinangarap ko ring malahian ng katangkaran ang aming lahi! At mataba ka raw! Ayoko ng mataba... Pero yup, sobrang tulo ang laway ako sa porma mo-- lakas ng dating! I still can't believe na you're two years oldar than me when you look like a kid! Sarap mong kurutin sa mukha! I really like you're eyes and smile... Wait, I can't deny na you have brains too. After all, nagawa mong maging first honor kahit once. Hehe, sana nga lang di ko nalang nalaman na kaklase ka ni Alan sa ENGLTRI e. Nasabi ko ba? Ang korny ng short story mo? Pero tungkol yun sa ina so that's something. Gusto ko ng mama's boy, basta kasundo ko yung nanay, hehe! And I really admire you dahil hindi ka nag-ba-bag! Shockers, bakit hindi ko magawa yun? Naalala ko tuloy yung weird reactions ko kapag nakikita kitang may bag ka.

If only... hay, wag na. Alam ko na patutunguhan niyan... dose-dosenang entries na naman sa blog na to. Blame it for my unnatural hopefulness, if there's a word as such. Hanggat may bukas, pwede parin, hindi titigil!

Pusang gala, gusto ko magbasa ng Chapter 9!

PS Sabi sa radyo wag daw habol ng habol sa lalaking walang kwenta. Konting pride naman daw at dignidad... Oh well, I think this does not apply to me, unang-una di naman ako naghabol-- kahit nga sa tingin lang e! Second, wala ka bang kwenta? ...How will I know, you didn't give me a chance...

Gosh, reading my last statement, I do sound na nanligaw ako. OVER MY DEAD SEXY BODY. HIndi ako nanuyo, I didn't ask for your love! Atensyon pwede, at picture... pero yun lang. Whatever, like I care still.

PSS You know what occured to me yesterday? I'm dreading the time na makikita nga kita... pero di nag-iisa. At hindi si Jay, or John or si Franz ang kasama mo. You know what I mean. How did this come in me? Kahapon kasi, while walking towards the library, may nakita akong maliit na guy. Since I'm half praying na makasalubong ka I thought "Siya ba to?" Tapos nakita ko may katabing babae, sweet sila, you know the exact words in my mind? Shit, Sana hindi siya to. Utang na loob. Pero I wish you happiness, promise.

Though I admit part of me is praying na madelay ka pa... kahit two terms lang.

Sama ko ba?

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Oh Jay Tee

A short story

One by one they came. Looking like executives, excitement filled their faces as the first day of their OJT has finally arrived. As minutes passed by, the training room started to get crowded. Tension filled the room as the apprentices were assigned to their respective market circles.

The best of the best have been chosen and they were assigned to MC1, situated at the 12th floor. But since only few were needed in this MC, the rest of the best of the best were put to MC4; this can be found in 8th floor. Each was assigned to a specific SDDADSAA under certain clusters. Some have been asked to print, to photocopy, to fax and to compute for amortization. People like nerdy nerd Kirk and the ever active Venz have been placed in the Concentration Camp where their genius minds are put to test; Carren and Faye's powers are just not enough for the type of work done inside.

And before everyone can say break, the clock has struck 12. Most of the flock decided to try the infamous Enterprise Lounge but some stayed in the building.

In the E café, all the tables are now occupied by different persona. Interestingly, one can guess which table one is welcome to sit. If you happen to have a problem with your belt and your middle body, you're in for the BIG table. There's also a table for the unspeakables-- people too busy to talk, they are just there for a quick lunch. But one can tell which table emits most of the noise in the cafe.

The buzz is all at one table. In one corner the all-macho BSB are sharing their first halfday's experiences. But the mood altered when JR noticed that Son is now engrossedly texting, complete with smiles and giggles.
JR: Uuuy, sinong katext mo?
Son: (trying to hide his smile) Wala to Pare.
JR: I thought I'm your best friend. C'mon, you can tell me Bez.
Jerome: Uuuy, ano yan? Tinext ka ng crush mo noh?
Fico: Matalino ba siya? Mabait?
JC: Caring?
JR: Siya yung nasa commercial ng Cherifer!
Fico: Matangkad?
JC: Hindi! Maliit na gustong tumangkad!

And for the nth time the E cafe roared with laughter. Seconds later, three more people entered the cafe and joined the group.
Shar: Hi Son, my teddy bear. (pecked Son's cheeks) Sorry we're late.

Shar's sweet gesture caught everyone's attention! JR's jaw dropped while JC and Marcel bellowed shock. The boys were speechless! Confused with the reactions, Shar asked Son "Di mo pa ba nasasabi sa kanila na tayo na?" Son turned from red to purple; he was also too dazed to answer Shar's inquiry. It took a while before the confession sink in the group.
Julie D.: (while clinging in JR's arms) Sayang JC, napunta pa sa TASI si Erlyn. We could have been more complete for this special day.
JC: Ah yun? It's ok. Nakakainggit lang kasi walang nagsusubo sa akin, diba Son?

Son and Shar blushed on the statement. They had unconsciously left the small chat and wondered in their own world again. Both were so sweet to each other that JC and Marcel can't help but goggle at them. JR-Julie and Fico-Kris Anne can also forget that they're not alone leaving the two (JC and Marcel) making their own worlds too.
JC: Pare, nakakainggit talaga sila no? Can I just imagine you're Erlyn?
Marcel: Tol, wag ganyan. Di ka ba kinikilabutan?
JC: OO nga Pare, that's gross. Ikaw? Baka may gusto ka nang aminin? Nakakagulat talaga tong si Son no?
Marcel: Ako? Nah Pare, I don't have time for those Pare.

By 1:25 pm, they went back to their respective works. Since it was their first day, there were really a lot of jobs given. But then these apprentices are not "all work and no play". Like their any other day, they still honored their 3:00 habit. By 3, they meet in a particular area, in this case in the round table, to have a picnic and get the latest and juiciest chika of the day as each of them gets interviewed by Chunky Halby, role played by Kirk. It has been and will always be during this BORED meeting when deep secrets are revealed.

First to be placed was the new couple, Son and Shar. Both shared how everything started with them, what made Son love Shar and so as Shar to Son. Everyone was moved by the love story of the two. So much of the sweetness, Justinne was second to be seated on the hot seat, who is known to be truly in love with Rey, one of the TIBAK apprentices [TIBAK: jologs term for aktib, used to refer the people na kina-career ang pag-o-OJT.] But Justinne refused to give the audience much of the story as she briefly said "Ilang beses na nga akong binasted eh!"

Hungry for more, Chunky Halby called on the next controversial person in SGV. Rey, the reason for Justinne's sorrows was put in the spotlight. Hardly available on this kind of gathering, his brief but patriotic answer surprised everyone.
Chunky Halby (CH): We learned that you rejected Justinne's love for you once again? Bakit naman?
Rey (R): Ayaw ko sa kanya e.
CH: Huwat? Bakit naman... maganda naman siya, matalino... at higit sa lahat, walang tiyan!
R: Wala lang.
CH: Hmmm, is it because your heart belongs to someone else na? Mayroon bang nilalaman na ang iyong puso?
R: Ayaw ko sanang pag-usapan yan.
CH: So meron nga!

Rey stood up and prepared to leave the session but before he did, he glanced at Maebel with misery on his face, and whispered gently "Si Maebel."

With that shocking revelation, Chunky Halby turned to Maebel and asked her about it. But just like before, she remained speechless -- actually she looked neither moved nor interested. Thus Chunky Halby called on the next interviewee, Domini. Chunky Halby is really captivated for Domini's new glow.
CH: Totoo ba ang balita na tapos na ang lahat sa inyo ni rich boy?
Domini (D): (tears filling her eyes) Oo, tinapos ko na ang lahat sa amin. I let go of him and my rich dreams.
CH: Bakit? Ano ba ang nangyari?
D: Hindi na niya ako nireplayan.
CH: Yun lang? Baka naman wala lang load?!
D: (shaking her head) That's lame. I've been texting him for a week now!
CH: So totally over him ka na ba talaga?
D: Well, I believe in destiny. Kung kami talaga, e di kami talaga. Faithful naman ako...

All of a sudden, a tall dark... 'pwede na' guy who wears an ID saying Caloy entered the SGV II. Domini jolted and exclaimed at this sight "Si Sir..." and she started to blush and her heart beat very fast and loud. She stood up immediately, ending the conversation with "Wait lang ha... Kiss ko muna si Sweetheart."

Domini disappeared in an instant to Caloy's cubicle. With that, Chunky Halby disappointedly dismissed the day's meeting. He requested everyone to be present for tomorrow's session as their own lives turned really spicy with this OJT season.

The next day, all are looking forward for this afternoon's chikahan. During lunch break, Kirk was bombarded with requests whom to question next.
Tin: Let's start with Irene! She looks dashing this OJT.
Jenny: Oo nga! Nag-me-make up pa siya! I know some girls wear make-up when something's up.
Carlo (nakanguso): Tigilan niyo nga siya. What do you care?
J (nakangunot ang kilay): Oi... sorry. We didn't mean harm. What's wrong Chocolate cake?
C: Wala. Di ko lang nagustuhan yung dating nang usapan niyo. Forget it. Let's change the topic please.
Kirk: Hmmm, I think I know whom to start with later. Hahahaha!

Time flies really fast when you're enjoying auditing. In a blink of an eye, the apprentices are all gathered around in the round table once again. Kirk started with Carlo.
CH: Bakit parang ang init ng ulo mo kanina? You sounded really offended for Irene.
C: Di naman masyado. Pati ba naman kasi pagme-make-up ginagawan niyo ng isyu.
CH: If you don't mind me asking, do you feel something for Irene?
C (blushing): A-a-ako? (A bead of sweat dropped from his forehead.) Hindi ah! I'm happy with my Ice cream (referring to Jenny)!
Jenny: Chunky Halby naman, stop brewing things up. You're hurting our relationship. You're hurting me!
CH: I just want to be sure. Sorry if I caused you pain Jenny.
Jenny: Ok na... basta wag ganun Chunky Halby ha.
CH (referring to the audience): Oh naging witness kayo sa tinaga-sa-batong pagmamahalan ng dalawang ito ha.

Everyone cheered and clapped for the Jamming couple while the two kissed. From there Chunky Halby turned to Irene for the next interview. But being the secretive person that she is, all they got were smiles and words "Wala talaga." CH gave up and instead turned to Erik.
CH: So ano na ang balita? Kayo na ba?
E: Wala na nga e.
CH: Wala na?
E: Nasa UP e... ang layo!
CH: Sinong nasa UP?
E: Si S...
CH: S… Dr. S?

There was laughter. The clock stroke 4pm which means everyone has to go back to their respective jobs. But still, mysteries remain. There are still secrets yet to be revealed!

With Kirk’s determination, he left the camp and his responsibilities and decided to roam around the floor in search for answers, more or less gossip in fact. Disappointed, he couldn’t find at least hints for something unusual; though he firmly believes that there’s really something fishy going on. Questions swim his mind. Why is it that Irene arrives at SGV even before 8am when in school, the earliest time she can make for her 8am class is 9am?! And why is it that even though everyone seems to be having an overtime, Maebel goes out of the office at exactly 530pm? “Simple observations but two big issues that must be cleared,” Kirk thought.
Early next day, he arrived in the office by 730 am. Few minutes later, Irene arrived and went straight to the CR. When she came out, she’s now wearing make-up. He followed her to Domini’s workplace. Why there and not in the ‘guy she has to chase’, CH wondered. He approached her and said hello. They talked nonsense things and few more minutes Domini arrived with a teasing smile on her face. Behind Domini is a guy who looks like the boy who lived – Harry Potter.
Irene (I): Good morning Domini. (Putting her hair behind her ears) Hi Sir Emil.

Both greeted her back. Domini joined the two in chatting while Emil started working with his laptop. Seconds later
Emil (E) (offering the three apprentices): Kain tayo.
Domini (D) & Kirk (K): Sige po thank you.
I: Ano po yan Sir?
E: Burger and fries, here have some.
I: Ok lang po? Di pa po ako nagb-breakfast e.
E: Oo naman, basta ikaw. Tumaba ka lang, anything for you.
I (blushing): Hehe, can I have some fries po?
E: Eto. Gusto mo ba ng coffee or Milo? Ay, masama sayo ang kape, I’ll get you Milo instead. Excuse me.
I: Naku you don’t have to bother po.
E: It’s ok. It’s my treat.

And off he went. With Emile gone out of sight, Domini shrieked!
D: You naughty, wicked… whatever! Ayos ang style mo ha!
I: Oh well, humahaba na buhok at kuko ko e. Sayo kaya ako natuto niyan.
D: You’ve got some style ha. Pwede pwede…
I: Sige, dyan muna kayo, sundan ko lang siya.

Kirk was speechless. But he certainly got the answers for his first question. With his job partially done, he left with Irene's glowing and vibrant face in his short memory.

A week passed yet Kirk hasn't discovered the reason for Maebel's prompt actions. So he started to grow impatient. Just as he was pondering on the possible reasons, Maebel passed by. It's exactly 5:30 pm. She's on her way down, cellphone in her hand and an excited smile in her lips. Without hesitations, he followed Maebel in the elevator, in the Enterprise and to Starbucks. He did this while keeping few paces behind Maebel. Maebel sat and checked her phone. Nothing happened for two minutes or three; Maebel just sat there. She looks like she's waiting for something... or someone. Curious, Kirk advanced nearer, still on the lookout for something new. Later, TJ, Kirk's best buddy appeared. Friendstruck, Kirk fixed himself. But wait! TJ didn't see him... and he's heading for Starbucks and not to him... and he's holding a bouquet of orange roses. "Orange???" Kirk thought. Before he can say some more, TJ had already walked up to Maebel; the flowers are gone in his grasp. They are now in Maebel's hands. “So orange pala ang favorite ni Maebel.” Kirk pondered. Few more minutes and the two are exchanging now how their days were while drinking strawberry and cream frappe. Kirk couldn't believe his eyes and when this discovery has finally sunk in his system, TJ and Maebel are now about to leave. Kirk continued trailing behind. Maebel is about to go up the bus when TJ held her and asked for a kiss. Hesitantly, Maebel granted TJ's request and planted a sweet, gentle and wet kiss on TJ's cheeks. And the couple parted. While Maebel was off to home, TJ entered the elevator, pushed the '12' button and fixed himself. It's time to visit the rest of the best of the best.

Kirk was feeling nothing but euphoria. He's enjoying his luck these days. Aside from the fact that his ACMOD3 grades are glinting with 4.0s, he discovered that he's good at investigative works too. He's so hyped over his latest scoop so he went to Maebel next day and teasingly admitted what he witnessed yesterday. "Alam ko na dahilan kung bakit sugatan ang puso ni Rey." Maebel was a bit surprised but then she smiled and the two had a heart to heart attack.

It was then that Kirk's emotions were revealed. Excitement filled the air one bored meeting when Kirk's own love story was shared by Maebel.

Kirk was torn between three women. First is Ms. Rhea Paula Sy. This lady seemed to be so hard to get and her snobbishness challenges Kirk so much. But just yesterday, while carrying a pile of papers from the RPS to the camp, he tripped over a cable and the papers fell and scattered all over the room. His friends Erik, Irene and Domini came to help. But as they were gathering the papers, someone caught Kirk's attention. It felt like the time stopped that moment. With the beauty that seems to shine above the rest of SDDADSAAS in the entire 12th floor; he was immediately smitten. And yet, spending more than 8 hours each day with Shai inside the concentration camp, he feels that he has developed something special for her. And so Maebel ended the meeting singing “Si Rea o si Shai o si Car?”

Kirk left that question unanswered and kept the audience hanging.

Next day, he arrived in the office as early as 650 am to spend some quantity and quality time with Shai, who’s always the early bird of the floor—a strategy to easily determine who among the ladies is best for him. But surprisingly, instead of seeing Shai alone in the room, there’s another person inside the room and both seem like enjoying each other’s company.

It was Erik. And it now struck him—Erik’s S must have been Shai and memories flashed back. ‘UP’ really meant Uber Privileged, the old name of the concentration camp. He overheard this info from Shai herself! Kirk felt terribly sad--even betrayed! So he went to his best friend Shar, down in the 8th floor. He let out all his sad emotions causing Shar’s shoulder pad (left) become soggy because of his tears. Kirk wasn’t done with his story when they heard footsteps marching towards them. Then a melody came from a cassette player. One by one, the BSB appeared: JC, Jerome, JR, Fico, and the band’s leader, Son. They sang “I’ll never break you heart” to Shar matching the song with dance moves. The act not only moved Shar but also cheered up Kirk. The tears of Kirk dried up and a smile can now be seen on his face. He enjoyed the number so much!

More days passed and OJT will soon end, changed is the best adjective to describe the apprentices. And Kirk thought “Hmm this is something worth noting for.”

Among these changes, Justinne’s countenance is the most intriguing. From her miserable aura in the early days of OJT because of Rey, she now wears a soothing smile everyday. ‘Why the sudden change?’ CH was again wearing that hungry look when he smells something interesting. Luckily, Justinne left her phone on the round table. He gave in to the temptation to take a peak in her messages to support this 360 degree turn of emotions. He read the inbox and was surprised to see Rey’s name accounting for about 80 percent of the messages and the person stored as ‘No 2’ for the remaining 20%. CH viewed some of Rey’s messaged and was even more surprised when the words “I love You”, “Mahal Kita”, "When will I hear your sweet yes?" and numbers like "5254" and "14344" flashed in front of him. Other messages were quotes that express sad emotions like deadma and unfulfilled hopes. He was about to view Number 2's messages when he heard Justinne's voice.
CH: Oh-oh, She's coming. Is she singing??
Justinne (singing & snapping her fingers): Could you be my number two...
CH: Sino si number 2?
J (surprised): Huh? Sinong number 2?
CH: Guilty guilty. I heard your song.
J: Kanta lang yun no' I'm for Rey and Rey alone!
CH: Sus, it's ok. You can trust me.
J: Ano ba? Alam mo namang si Rey lang tinitibok ng puso ko.
CH: So kayo na ba?
J: We'll see.
CH (waving her phone): He sounded really dead for you!

All he got was a good hearty laugh. But he knows that Rey has finally fallen for her. He's happy for the two-- atleast Rey has moved on after Maebel's rejection and Justinne's man of her dreams has finally returned her affection. But he's still curious... who is number 2?

He doesn't need to exert some effort for this issue as Domini and Irene came, calling Justinne.
D: Justinne, hinahanap ka na naman ng Sir mo. Sang lupalop ka ba pumupunta?
I: Sa 11th floor na naman... tsk tsk.
J: Hinahanap ako ni Gen? How do I look?
D (highlighting the last words): You look fabulous kaya punta na. Baka magalit na si Number 2.
J (referring to Irene): Stop it.

Irene's singing in the background ("Could you be my number two...sir? Could you you be...") got in the nerves of Justinne. Irene cut her song and gave Justinne a big goofy smile. Justinne smiled back and exclaimed "Kayong dalawa talaga. Dyan na nga kayo." She left smiling and singing "Could you be my number 2..."

On the last day Monday of the program, most of the apprentices were all out in the field so the afternoon's bored meeting was not much attended. Only Maxine and Debbie were present. Intrigued whether these two also have their dark secrets to reveal, CH started with
CH: O ano bang meron sa inyo? Kayo na ba?
M&D (looks at each other): Halata ba?
CH: So it's true!!!
D: Joke lang.
M: Praning ka na talaga CH! tsk, tsk...
CH: Tatadyakan ko kayo e!
M: Di porket Chinese ka e magaling ka ng mag-Taekwondo!
CH: Joke lang joke lang. Quits na tayo. So ano nga?
M&D: Wala, wala naman...

He didn’t press much on the two; not a thing was unearthed this meeting. Nothing much happened on the following days too. On Thursday, Kirk decided not to do overtime. As he was waiting for the elevator, a guy looking like he'll attend a prom went past him and waited too for the elevator cart. As he was about to enter the elevator, Jerome (the new Marcel) rushed to him and said "Pare tinaraydor ako!" so Kirk stayed instead, only the guy who looks like he’s going to a prom rode the cart.
CH: Ha?
J: Si Son...
CH: Si Son?
J: Sila na ni Shar!
CH: Ahmm ano to? Suuuper late reaction???
J: Noong first day ko pa to gusto ilabas!
CH: E bakit ngayon mo lang na-feel ilabas?
J: Si Domini kasi.
CH: Ahmm, bakit naman napasok si Domini? Diba best friend mo siya?
J: Yun na nga e, hindi ko na siya mahagilap! San ba napunta yun?
CH: Di ko rin alam e. Wala ba sa cubicle ng Sir Caloy niya?
J: Malay ko kung saan yun. So ayun, CH, ako yung nauna kay Shar! Kaibigan ko pa naman din si Son! Di ko na alam gagawin ko! (He hugged CH)
CH (patting Jerome's back, also cried with him) It's ok pare. Sige, labas mo lang. Naiintindihan ko sitwasyon mo.
J: Ang bigat dito (striking his chest), ang bigat Kirk...
CH: Mag-usap kayo ni Son. Sayang ang friendship niyo!
J: Yun nga iniisip ko e. Thanks pare. Andyan pa ba si Domini?
CH: Umalis na pare. Nagmamadali nga e. Sabihin ko nalang bukas na puntahan ka,ok?
J: Huh? Bad trip naman! Wala na naman siya!
CH: You know what, Jerome? Bakit mo ba pinipilit sarili mo sa taong di mo naman talaga gusto?
J: Anong ibig mong sabihin? Nosebleed.
CH: You know what I mean. Di mo naman talaga gusto si Shar e. Alam ng lahat na si bestfriend gusto mo.
J: Hindi totoo yan.
CH: Really? It shows. Tuwing magkasama kayo… You look good naman e, everyone says so.

Kirk’s words kept Jerome thinking. Could he be true? Knowing Kirk, he doesn’t think so. And Domini’s heart belongs to someone else already since last term. Not a chance will he risk their friendship. Before Jerome could say more, the elevator opened. They were about to enter the elevator when Maxinne and Debbie rushed to join them. They were giggling too much that Kirk’s curiosity rang again. Jerome is silent; he’s thinking seriously.
M: Ano ba yan, di na natin inabutan!
D: Ikaw kasi antagal mo mag-ayos ng gamit!
M: Ikaw nga e, pa perfume-perfume ka pa.

Both shut up when the elevator door opened at the 7th floor and the guy who looked like he’ll attend a prom entered (GWLLHAAP). Maxinne and Debbie hid their giggles—they can’t believe their luck!
GWLLHAAP: Sige pare, ikaw na bahala dyan ha.
FRIEND: Oo na! Padate-date pa kasi.
GWLLHAAP: Thanks Pare!

Down the ground floor, Maxinne and Debbie trailed behind the guy who looked like he’ll attend a prom. Kirk joined the two out of curiosity. The GWLLHAAP went out the door at the parking area and walked a long way towards Greenbelt 1. And to KFC he went. Maxinne and Debbie looked at each other and exclaimed “Date sa KFC?!” Kirk, panting, exclaimed too. “Date sa KFC!” All three of them went inside and took a peek at the GWLLHAAP’s direction. The sight was really unexpected. The three exclaimed in chorus. “Si Domini???” They looked at each other and turned away shaking their heads in disbelief. The shock was too much to bear. Walking away, Kirk can’t help but ask himself “Alam ba niya talaga meaning ng pagiging faithful?”

Meanwhile inside the KFC, Domini is having the best time of her life. She has finally afforded to eat KFC bento meal. Thanks to the GWLLHAAP! She had been dreaming for this moment: dine-in KFC with a food that’s other than their chicken steak. So you could just imagine the happiness she’s feeling in her stomach. In between of their dining, Domini’s phone rang so she excused herself. Rose, one of her friends who is assigned in TASI is checking up on her.
R: Hi Dom!
D: Shut up!
R: How rude.
D: Then stop calling me DOM
R: Fine fine. Hi Dominiiii. Happy?
D: Hi Rose! How are you? But wait, FYI, I’m in a middle of my greatest KFC moment so could we make this quick?
R: Really? Greatest moment? Are you with Rich Boy?
D: Rich boy? Ano naman kinalaman niya dito? Ano ba kailangan mo? Nakakahiya na sa kasama ko!
R: Hindi si rich boy? Kala ko ba faithful ka?
D: Rose…go straight to your point please. I don’t have time for this.
R: Fine! Kamusta na si Fico? Nakikita mo ba siya? Sila parin ba ni Kris Anne?
D: Rose. Akala ko ba napag-usapan na natin yan. They’re happy. Be happy for them na. Andyan naman si Jerome e.
R: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawang masama ha? Nagtatanung lang naman e. At hindi ako yung gusto ni Jerome no.
D: Then you better call Tin na lang. Siya kafloor ni Fico eh!
R: Oh good. Right. Asa date ka lang e. Sige na nga! Dyan ka na. (beep!)

So Domini went back to the GWLLHAAP and made most of the night.

On the next bored meeting with CH, Domini was put in spotlight once again. But she doesn’t want to spoil anything so CH can’t extract anything from her. Instead, she suggested to ask Tin as she hasn’t been interviewed yet. Tin sincerely said she had nothing to divulge so CH stopped. But before he called on the next interviewee, he threw one last question.
CH: Totoo bang alam mo daw kung sino yung third party sa Fico-Kris Anne issue?
T: I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to call her a ‘third party’ since wala naman ginagawa yung tao except to love in vain; she’s not even making moves to ruin their relationship.
CH: So kilala mo nga!
T: Oo. I know the girl said to be deeply in love with Fico amid his strong relationship with Kris Anne.
CH: Really? (Eyes bulging showing his intense hunger for more info.) Who is it?
T: I would like to invoke the girl’s right to privacy, so CH, keep out of the green grass, ok?!

But before CH could further argue, Jenny came panting and told the group that there would be an emergency general assembly tomorrow, Saturday, from 11am to 12pm. Ms LA called it, so the discussion shifted from Tin to what were the possible reasons why the assembly called. The meeting ended with a lot of formulated hypothesis sending the apprentices anxiety. One of these hypothesis is that someone was caught selling pirated CDs which offended SGV’s resident CD-King…of course who would want a competitor? All eyes were at Erik.

Saturday came and their fears substantiated, Ms LA was superbly disappointed with the batch. Ms LA called not only because of the CD King’s new competitor but also with a few more issues.

One issue brought up was the growing number of love birds in the batch. Ms LA firmly believes that this can ruin each others’ performance so she proclaimed the anti-relationship bill (Article 5254). The batch was extremely dismayed with this proclamation so they planned to have a Feb 24 demonstration repeat, complete with confetti. Son, the number one person affected with the bill asked for everyone’s cooperation to raid the offices for scratch papers to be used for the confetti. Surprisingly everyone agreed to help.

Another issue discussed was a partner is complaining about the 3:00 habit of these apprentices. It turned out that the SDDADSAAS in the area have grown interests with the spicy revelations, so discreetly, they leave their work too, and listen for an hour as CH does his job. This alarmed Ms LA so much that she ordered, suggested rather, that all the round tables be removed from all the floors! SGV accepted the suggestion so on Monday, all the round tables were really gone. “This is too much!” Everyone felt. But Kirk has a better idea. He figured out ang luwang luwang ng sahig so even without the round tables, the 3 o’clock habit pursued that day. Kirk isn’t sure who to interview that session so they decided to play Truth or Dare to give everyone a chance to be questioned. Suddenly, right when the Justinne’s Starbucks black water jug is about to stop spinning, a strong earthquake shook the building. It was so strong that my head bumped with Kirk’s head! Soon enough, hindi ko na alam paano pa tatapusin ito kaya ganito nalang bigla nalang mawawala.


Sunday, March 12, 2006

today's homily

Life in this world is difficult.

... but the moment you acknowledge this fact, life would be easier.

This is where Father Larry's homily revolved early this morning. Thinking about it, siguro kaya ako nagkakaganito. I grew up achieving almost whatever my heart sets out; and now that I'm in the brink of failing to reach my dream, eto mamamatay na ako sa sama ng loob.

Sino ba kasi nagpauso ng kasabihang "You can reach whatever your hearts desire"? Eto naman ako, paniwalang paniwala dito. I'm even confident that if others can do it, i can too. Very wrong. We have our own limitations... different weaknesses.

And then, meron pa yung "you can never have all the good things in the world". Ang sa akin lang, bakit hindi pwede?

Issue # 3 - Sir Caloy's evaluation for me

I admit. I'm such a hypocrite. Ang lakas naman ng loob kong sabihin I deserve more than 3.0 grade point. If I deserve higher than that, I wouldn't need to beg for it, nor ask for more performance evaluation. I should've been thankful for the act palang diba?

I'm just jealous. This is what I hate most with myself: I keep on comparing myself to others. All my other batchmates are having the grade I want most and I'm stucked with only 3.0. Sobrang bigat dito [pointing my chest], pero what else can I do? Sabi nga ni Nanay, never mind what my evaluator thinks about me nor the grade he gave me, think about the experience, new friends I gained. My pillow pa ako from Miss Nedy, o diba? Mas mahalaga daw yun. That's what I've been telling myself din actually, ewan ko lang ba kung bakit bitter parin ako. At haler, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na these numerical figures do not truly tell what kind of person you are. They are deceptive in fact.

Mag-sour graping daw ba??? HAHAHAHA... 'yaan niyo na ko.

At this point in time, 98% na akong ok regarding Sir Caloy. Nakatext ko na kasi siya. We're even sending jokes. I'm not sure kung hindi ka-plastikan yung kahapon (on his side) pero bakit kailangan pang isipin diba? Basta alam ko we're ok na... Ok naman kami nung first two weeks; for a reason I would never know, ayun, naging malamig na siya lately sakin. Sabi ni Debbie and Sir Clyde, baka nagtampo daw. What's funny, baka daw nagseselos sabi ni Debi. O diba, tamang telenovela... [Like I care. May grade na ako. HAHAHA... baba nga e.]

I would like to add, ayun nga kay Jenny: It's not necessary that all your efforts and sacrifices are recognized, as long as you know and God knows you did your best, nothing more to say, nothing more to prove.


One virtue I'm having a hard time to learn by heart. Why can't I accept that

Failing is healthy and it's normal

??? Haaay, for my sanity's sake, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Whatever the reason is, ipagdadasal ko nalang na it's worth it.


**Behind every cross is salvation.

More words I heard Father telling us this morning. I can't wait for the last part of the statements.

Laki kasi sa 'sarap' kaya konting problema bibigay na. Sigh...

Friday, March 10, 2006

this should have been posted last march 1 pa

can you hear the songs marching?

in a blink of an eye

January was a whirlwind; it was a period of chicken steak, photocopies and countless literary works. can you just imagine how many trying-hard poems i've made? the grade of my eyes went up again while my cgpa started to crawl down. if i was not reading for my classes, it must be my blog that kept me busy. and like any other ordinary modular term, i only had a glimpse of what the tv looks like on saturday nights and sundays; and i was either in these 3 places for the whole month: L301, KFC or in our house (particularly in the bedroom). life has been unbelievably dull; i experience something a bit new when i was caught in a major emotional turmoil. it occurred in the most ideal time of the year actually. the ending of my sad and stupid story had to take place in the term where FOCUS is much needed; just when CONTROL, SENSE OF REALITY AND DISCIPLINE was important if you want your future to be better.

Likewise, February was roughly the same. The first part only continued the wreckage January started. It's first days settled finally the most painful encounter I had for my lifetime, and as days continued to pass, I further realized that letting go is not something that takes place overnight; instead it is a process of nightmares, strong longing feeling, and nights of self-assessment through reflections. and before it ended, the third thing I fear most confirmed itself. atleast I won't have to repeat a subject yet. i still have a chance to bring things back to normal. maybe the highlight of this period was that my life has slightly changed -- i'm experiencing life outside dlsu and learning things related in my chosen career outside the four walls of a classroom. i'm walking the arena of the profession i ought to have soon too.

And as March just entered, I don’t expect much. I’m still in the process of healing and accepting and soon, my dull life will be restored. So there’s not much to look forward. Not even the summer break. If I can’t help it, no matter how much I cry for freedom, I’d still stay for summer class and let go of my annual out-of-town plans.

i used to love computers (everything about it)

for four consecutive years I was known to be the Computer wizard in my class, but why all of a sudden, this has to be the first subject that will hold me from my dreams?

life is full of surprises. hehehe

inside me

dati pa 'to... i just want to include this in my collection. AND i can't believe i felt writing this one. bilis talaga ng panahon...
I can't move on for a part of me is still hoping that you'd turn around and you'd realize that I'm really the one for you.
I'm torn because though I've already swallowed all my pride and confessed how crazy I am to you still won't appreciate and love me back.
I still can't believe that you are like any other guy who goes for the physical and stop at that; if you'd only dig deeper.
I'm still praying for the time that you'd reach me and cry how sorry you are for being so stupid.
I feel so alone for there's no one who really knows my sorrow, not a single soul.
I hate myself because I can't be the person who will catch your attention and will make you fall for real.
If I can't have you I wish I'd die instead. It's as stupid as it may seem but you really got me badly. And I don't know how could I remedy this obssession. I'm lost, unfocused, confused and desperate. It's you who's in my mind every second; you occupy so much space in me that I can't even think of anything unrelated to you - not even my studies.

You know what's funny? No matter how low my grades are now, it's your reactions that still affects me so much. No matter how much catching up I need to do I still can't control myself and take you off my mind. No matter how hard I pray to set myself free from this sorrows you'd still be the my last prayer before I say Amen.

Oh boy. Why am I in this mess?

I've changed a lot after you have happened. For two months things are different now.
Before, I am prepared when I sit for my exams, be it a short quiz or a major one. I don't just tell myself 'If I fail I'll really fail no matter how much studying I did. Bahala na.' Excuses are never entertained. Nor I'm not that confident to say 'I still can answer without reading thoroughly.' I can even finish chapters just for hours but now, not even one for one and a half day. My schedule aren't just written, they were executed faithfully before I met you. Now I'm so behind in my acads and other responsibilities, too peroccupied for more sigificant things, blind and denying. I'm really in the verge of ruining my dreams, my life.

Just because you walked out that door.

missed []

yehey. naka pag blog din ako.

wondering why i don't use exclamation point when it's appropriate to use one?


after 40 years i'll be able to post my deepest emotions na,,, weeh.