Friday, March 07, 2008

spell EMPTY

It's ME after my world turned upside down

and then followed by PITY

But omit the I

For I is lost once you step out my life.


Everything lay silent
Just the rise and fall of life is heard
And a lot of tears flooding

Staring where the light comes
You were praying for the time to stop
Wait... does he really have to go?

Everything was lost since the beginning
What could be harder this time?
Nobody won't understand, second death is never real.

How do you hold on to someone larger than life?
All you need are answers, not him
Hope the yellow ribbons catch his eyes though.


Silly if you'll ask
I may even deserve a smirk, alright
Hear this though--
Reason will never be enough
To fill my heart with life.

A fulfilled breath, that was him
Whatever I've done for such cut in between
I'll leave for the heaven to clear
Now just let this snow numbb me
Hear the cheers of black crows above.


Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Last na 'to... I promise


Gusto ko lang i-share so I can finally move on.

Crash Into Me
Contributed by bad_moon (Edited by amplifier)
Sunday, September 24, 2006 @ 12:02:07 AM
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It started with a crash.

I guess everything somehow starts out this way, that, as mortals with brains that can only grasp so much, we're just not aware of the complexities of nature and physics and everything that we know that influence the lives of men around this blue sphere we call Earth.

Things colliding with varying degrees of force, it is in the heart of everything. It is in the heart of both creation and destruction. (Though it is said that matter cannot be created or destroyed; only transformed from one form into another, or so states the Law of Conservation of Matter, yet one can only be skeptical about these "Laws". So in this piece, with your permission, I move to suspend this Law and thus I continue with my almost incoherent rambling.)

Everything in this world is borne out of things bumping and smashing into each other. Immense quantities of energy are produced by the swirling, chaotic dance of atomic particles crashing into one another. Lives are ended when bullets and shrapnel run into vital organs.

The universe is one big bumper car ride and more often than not, these collisions leave marks that would last us for the rest of our forsaken lives. (I'm not really bitter, just being borderline psychotic, neurotic, and manic-depressive but not bitter. No, Good heavens, NO.)

This epiphany happened when your existence first crashed into my reality. You are a bowling ball bringing disorder to the orderly group of ten pins that is my life. You suddenly appeared without warning, very much like Germany's blitzkrieg invasion of Europe, and there's no way in hell that your commanding presence could go unnoticed. And like a Frenchman caught with his drawers around his ankles, a muffled "Sacre bleu!" was all I can utter in the face of such inevitability.

Pretty much like introducing a bullfrog to an alien ecosystem, everything was thrown off balance. Every routine, every habit, schedule, every time table I've planned you turned conveniently to crap. Instead of being alarmed, I was drawn even more so to that magnificent source of distraction, destruction and pain.

My days were soon filled with the constant bickering (You always looked so cute whenever you're annoyed so I tried to piss you off as best as I can), the smug swagger you'd do after I've given up and surrendered to your whims, the shrill, ear-piercing shriek as you sang, and the way you playfully smack the back of my neck for no apparent reason. Curiously though, these are the high points of my day.

Despite the harrowing carnage that you've wrought, I started to rebuild around you. I made you the agora of my new metropolis, very much akin to how a tree's bark grows over a deeply-driven nail.

Oblivious to the painful fact that deeply-driven nails can be forcefully removed, leaving the bark disfigured, and dying.

As sudden as your arrival was your departure, effectively transforming everything in my world into one beautiful, putrid, decrepit, twisted and twitching mass of emotional trauma. Such was your power over me. Someone who didn't take bull from anybody, you turned into a sniveling little boy. Someone who defied authority, you made into an obedient machine. Yet something tells me that I wouldn't want it any other way.

Now I believe, neurotic as it may seem, our time together was really brief, almost a split of a split second in a cosmic time scale of the universe. As instant as the moment of contact a bullet shares with a wall before ricocheting away. (Though some walls are lucky enough that some bullets get stuck). Our encounter was so brief and quick and instant that it shouldn't really matter. To further dwell on it is just a waste of time, oxygen and brain cells.

Why the title then? Why all the talk about crashes, collisions and impacts?

You are a 460mm shell fired off the massive guns of the legendary WWII battleship Yamato.

I am a wall of the first little pig's flimsy straw house.

And while you have decimated and obliterated me completely,

I wasn't able to manage even the slightest dent on you.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

4 Ws and an H

1. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up?
- I need to heat my water

2. What did you do last night?
- read Nora Roberts

3. Who is/are the most important part of your life?
- God and my family

4. What would you rather be doing right now?
- sleep or just stare in the ceiling.

5. What did you last cry over?
- The A Little Princess movie @ HBO. And I feel lonely... I want my Nanay and Tatay

6. What always makes you feel better when you're upset?
- Aside sa chocolate, my mother's voice really works.

7. What are your plans tomorrow?
- I'll work for 8 hours. Sana I won't have to go overtime

8. What's the last movie you saw?
- 27 Dresses. Really cute!

9. What are you worried about?
- I'm worried for this workweek. I'm really not feeling well... no dalandan juice can cure this.

10. What are you looking forward to most in this week?
- For this particular week? Wala e... I'm not well talaga, my dopamines are in their lowest level.


1. Have you ever had your heart broken?
- All the time.

2. Have you ever had the cops called on you?
- No. No plans at all.

3. Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
- Yeah. I tried once.

4. Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
- Yes. A Princess Diary book :)

1. Who was the last person you saw?
- The last person I saw yesterday is Noelle.

2.who was the last person you kissed?
- My Inay Angela, earlier in the Sunday mass.

3. who was the last person you called?
- My Nanay!

4. Who was the last person to call you?
- Si Alfred, kaso naputol.

5. Who was your first crush?
- If I remember it well, his name's Oliver from La Union.

6. Who was the last person to text you?
- Si Tina. Asking for a tax advice, hehe!

7.Who is the last person you texted?
- Si Tina rin, to give her an expert's advise!

8. Who did you last yell at?
- Last Friday, sa interfaith rally @ Ayala Makati. "Sigaw ng bayan... KATARUINGAN!!!"

1. last shower??
- Just this morning

2. When did you last see your dad?
- I'm with him right now.

4. When did you last dress up?
- Nung Christmas.

5. When was the last time you cried?
- When I saw A Little Princess :)

6 . When did you last go to the movie theatre?
- When I watched 27 dresses. Just this February lang yun


1. Where did you last go to?
- Silangang Nayon, then SM Lucena and lastly sa Pacific Mall

2. Where did you last hang out?
- Sa Greenbelt

3. What did u last eat?
- Chammy, the tamis anghang one

4. Where did you sleep 2 nights ago?
- sa Greenhills, where else would I be?

1. Do you like someone right now?
- Yes. But I'm not holding on anymore

2. Does/do he/she/they like you too?
- I wish... but no.

3. Do you ever wish you were someone else?
- No. I wish I'm not even someone.

4. Do you know the muffin man?
- Sadly, no. I haven't met him

5. Does the future scare you?
- I don't care anymore

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend?
- Because I trust her with my life.

2. Why did your parents give you the name you have?
- Yun kasi ang nasa kalendaryo, and I'm a girl, and my Nanay admires that certain writer...

3. Why are you doing this survey?
- I'm interested

1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
- Numbness to pain.

2. If you could go back in time...
- I'd be more careful...

3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing what would it be?
- Laptop nalang, with plug-in internet :)

1. Would you ever save the person you love?
- Of course.

1. Are you happy?
- I should be.