Death Letter

Hi! (^ ^ )

I'll be serious with this one so please take time to read this.
I AM SORRY for all the nuisances I've brought. Kung ginulo ko ang tahimik mong mundo, sa aking kakulitan, for all my insensitive jokes. Sorry for that red letter which freaked you out. I didn't mean to freak you out. I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction actually. And the list goes on. Feeling ko you're ignoring my emails kasi asar ka na sa akin kaya sorry po.

Let me explain. Why did I do all these: swallowed my pride, dug info about you, sent you emails, gave you that letter and even asked you about that on-line enrolment when I could have asked someone else (opportunity to talk to you knocked so I grabbed it! hehe)? Well, this isn't new to you. I've been vocal ever since. I want to know more about you, to befriend you. Sabi nga ni Kyla sa song niya "I wanna get close to you, cause I couldn't take my eyes off you..." Haha, this song reminds me of you. (~~,) Going back. But I don't have the guts to do this face to face, especially for the fact that we don't have any common denominator; we're not even classmates in any of our subjects! So I decided I could use the wonder of email technology (and not through text. I'm not approve of this medium if you're really serious with what you want to say) But to my disappointment, you denied me of that chance. After all those complements, the gesture and hints I left in every message I sent, all I got is your cold, one-line, end-of-the-conversation replies. *Ouch. I've accepted that though, after all, maybe you are just not interested AT ALL, and/or you're just like that - not a writer. Ok, fine, not all your replies were really cold, one-line and end-of-conversation. You sent me fulfilling replies dati (yung mga di nagpatulog sa akin), lately lang yung "wow,,,ang lamig mo tol." sad.

I would like you to know that my intention is good. Hindi po kita pinagti-tripan. And I really plan to approach you and confess that I was the one. I'm just waiting for the right time: when you're in a good mood and smiling, as much as possible when you're alone (or with a friend and not a group of friends) and I'm confident that everything will turn out fine. I had some opportunities but I decided not to. Ofcourse, it isn't that easy. I happen to fear rejection too. I am not 100% sure if you'd talk to me the way you talked to me nung tinanong kita about on-line enrolment last November 10. However, with just 2 regular days left, I have to do it now or it would be never. And so I'm asking you, how do you want me to approach you? Para we are both aware and not one will get embarassed in front of anyone's friends. Do you want me to do it outside your BUSIPOL classroom or somewhere other than there, like in a comlab? Obviously, this is if you still want to meet me. If not, though it's not ok for me (sana binaril mo nalang ako diba?) I will just have to accept it. By now I should have known that life can be really cruel sometimes. Nice timing, before finals pa diba???

I do hope that you're serious when you said you'll give me your grad pic for I'm really serious when I told you I really can't get enough of you. This is my first time to do all these silly things and I definitely want to imprint in my life (and most especially in my wallet) the guy who caught me off guard; that -- guy who provoked me to do the things I never thought I'd do in my lifetime (imagine a proud person doing the first move...) and who inspired me every MWF (sige na nga, and sometimes TH) with just his "killer" smile and serious-but-cute looks. O, ang ulo ha. Pero I'm serious, ang lakas po talaga ng dating niyo. Di mo naman ako ginayuma diba? (~~,)

I think I've said enough. I know you're busy these days (who else is not anyway?) with all those due papers and exams next week. Thank you for the time and my apology again. All I wanted was a decent reply! Mababaw lang naman kaligayahan ko e...

I wish you good luck on all your exams next week. Keep smiling. Happy holidays! (~~,)



--- would you call this pathetic or romantic? ---

it's a shame someone has to write a letter like this one. sad but we have to move on.

i can't blame its author, i once felt the same and it can really drive you mad, believe me.


Hay... it's an hour away before the clock strikes twelve. 2006 na!

Let's leave the past behind, bury all these 'unfortunate events' in our subconcious and welcome whatever awaits us this year of the dog!

putok putok hayan na kumakatok. iba't ibang amoy, usok, ingay,,, hmmmmm, bagong taon na nga! (^^)

year-end madness

PizzaHut bell rings

I miss my good ol' highschool days...

Four wacky, inspiring years, thirty similar faces, a thousand memories...


HAPPY NEW YEAR!

-- I still have something to say with this one. This isn't done yet.--

A Tribute to Jose Rizal

dahil nasa tamang trip ako...

let's shy away from these sad sentiments and commemorate the death of our National Hero.

WHY IS RIZAL THE GREATEST FILIPINO HERO?

Mr. de Ocampo, in this article, claims that Dr. Jose Rizal Mercado y Alonzo (1861-1896) is unquestionably the greatest hero and martyr of our nation. He presented his arguments by answering thrice “Why is Rizal a hero, our foremost national hero?”

His first argument, Rizal, as a towering figure in the Propaganda Campaign, took an admirable part in the movement by producing his illustrious novel Noli Me Tangere which aroused the feelings of his countrymen. Second, no Filipino has yet been born who could equal or surpass Rizal as a “person of distinguished valor or enterprise in danger, or fortitude in suffering.” And lastly, Rizal is “a man honored after death by public worship, because of exceptional service to mankind.” Rizal having met all the implications of being hero, therefore, is the greatest Filipino hero.

These assertions are related in our present lessons not only it involves Jose Rizal but, the article as well exhaustively discussed that there is no doubt Rizal should be our national hero for a number of reasons. The article presented stands from different personalities that proved his outstanding patriotism and reasons why his countrymen and foreigners honor him so much.

I agree with Mr. de Ocampo’s assertions, though they are not enough to make Rizal the “greatest hero” of our nation. And here are my grounds.

First, Rizal may have took an admirable part in the Propaganda Campaign by producing his Noli Me Tangere which exposed colonizers’ cruelty and eventually strengthened Filipinos’ idea to fight for liberation. But this was in the PROPAGANDA MOVEMENT. And this movement is not for the country’s liberation from the colonizers, but for the Spain to consider Philippines as one of their provinces. I believe that liberation from foreigners is far much better than just reformation. Plus, Noli Me Tangere was written in a language not available to the greater number of Filipinos. It might have opened people’s minds, but only those who understand Español. So, for Noli’s meaning to reach the Filipino masses, translators are still needed. If the Noli is really for the Filipino, why didn’t he use his own nation’s language? Instead he used the foreigners’ tongue which eventually only earned his enemies’ eyes. The author also said that it was only Noli who contributed tremendously to the formation of Filipino nationality, and no other work could have done this. One cannot conclude such since the works he mentioned like Ninay of Paterno and La Soberanta of M.H. del Pilar may not have been available like Noli had during those times, the reason why they didn’t contribute tremendously. I admit, though, my last statement is only a speculation.

I’m not even sure about his second argument, that no Filipino has yet been born who could equal or surpass Rizal as “a person of distinguished valor or enterprise in danger, or fortitude in suffering.” Maybe we are just very absorbed by Rizal’s “greatness” that we cannot even admit that there are better heroes than him like Gabriela Silang. I think it is his execution that did the trick. His “calmness” before his “unjust execution” might have permanent psychological effects on us that all we ever know is there can be nothing greater than him anymore – no one will be as brave as him to face his own death.

On his last argument, no doubt he is a man honored after death by public worship because of exceptional service to mankind. But, isn’t it the public worship him because he was made our national hero? Alright, before he was made our national hero, many Filipino honored him after his execution – but as I’ve said earlier, maybe it is his “unjust execution” that earned the masses’ sympathy and not his EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE TO MANKIND. Exceptional service to mankind… for opening a modest clinic, ok, for forming the Filipino nationality through his novels, fine, and what else, for touring in Europe? I think it will be really “exceptional” if he supported the revolution, used his intellect for its success and just didn’t accept his death with such “calmness” instead he escaped and had gone away and started plotting a massive liberation movement that will 100% drive away the Spaniards.

Jose Rizal is a Filipino hero, I agree with that. But I’m not sure with what the most of us say that he is the greatest Filipino hero, especially now that I’m taking JPRIZAL course which have taught me a lot, things I was clueless before but I perceive very important and interesting to know.

Well, these ideas are just for me. Some of my arguments may be vague since there are still more things I have to know. I am certain that these are not yet my final stand.

This essay/article review was done for my JPRIZAL class (2nd Term, SY 2004-2005) and received high praises from my professor, Ms. Orillos. Ayon sa kanya, this was done very creatively and could compete with the other Rizal essays (I forgot the exact article she mentioned-- hanapin ko ulit yung original copy, tinago ko talaga yun for posterity!) She even encouraged me to submit this in our school paper, o diba ang taray?

j0uRneys in my Life

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...ndanao!!

Message failed

I'm all hot to make the better of the unlimited text service of my Globe but unfortunately I can't send him these messages so I decided to pour it all here.

You may not see me the way I see you.
You may not care for me the way I care for you.
You may feel nothing for me even if I feel so much for you.
And you may never ever love me even if I'll always be here... loving you.
Bitin.

I miss you when there's no reason, how much more when there was?
I miss you when we talk, how much more it we don't?
I miss you after we're together, how much more if I see you never?
I miss you now, how much more later?
Not totally applicable.

If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but
for some reasons he could not stay, don't cry too much...
Just be glad that your paths cross
and somehow he made you happy even for a while.
Like there's anything I can do but go on, right?

Umiiyak ako kay God kagabi...
tanong ko "bakit po ang sakit?"
Nagmamahal lang naman po ako.
Niyakap niya ako at sinabing:
"Kasi anak, minamahal mo ang taong inilaan ko na para sa iba."
Bakit sa iba pa, pwede naman sakin nalang diba?

I've always been hurt by the one I love...
always been loved by the person I don't love
The sad thing here is though I tried to choose the one who loves me,
my heart belongs to the person who hurt me.
That's really unfair.

I always thought that love can melt the pain
no matter how great the pain is...
But now I came to know that pain can also melt the love
no matter how great the love is.
Are you sure it's love?

The simple act of loving you is a gift I can never live without;
yes it hurts so much to know you can never feel the same but then again,
to wake up each morning knowing its another day to love you makes it enough.
Martyrdom, masochism, stupidity... I don't know.

If I'll count how many times you've entered my mind,
I'd be lying if I say it was many.
Because you only crossed my mind once
and you haven't left it since.
And you think it's just that easy to forget you?

Special thanks to Irene, not only for the messages but also for helping me see what I should have seen.

Messages full

A dear friend blessed my phone with lots of crazy nothings, and one striked me hard.

How do I say goodbye to someone I never had?
Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine?
Why is that I miss someone I was never with?
Why do I love someone whose love can never be mine?

How sad can you get?... Whoever its author was, he sure has something to deal with. It's ironic, how love works for some people, yet we can still associate it to something beautiful.

I won't say I love/d him, actually it's far from being at that level. But yes, I adore him. There's something in him, or is it lacking in him, that really caught me. His eyes, the serious look in his face mystified by his smile... they're simply irresistible.

Then I got obssessed.

I tried to live by the saying NO GUTS NO GLORY. I thought there's something because of my new-found capabilities. I've done things I never saw myself doing in my lifetime and found myself doing these foolishness anyway because it felt just right.

And then I crossed his line.

And before I knew it I'd freaked him out. I thought he was just overreacting. But the truth is that I overlooked what's happening between our exchanges. My obessession blinded me well; yeah, I miscalculated the signs he's sending. Damn, I'm so stupid.

If only he's been honest and if only I've been brave enough to accept reality.

I still feel for him. But there's nothing I can do about it for now, otherwise, he might hate me forever. Who wants that, eh?

And I don't want to wait for him either. It will just keep the pain fresh and sour, this waiting. Keeping my hands crossed is like waiting for Maan's turtle gift to materialize, which never happpened by the way.

GIVING UP is not my style.
Though we have to accept that in life YOU HAVE to learn TO LET GO.
It's hard, yes, and will take time.
But it's the right thing to do to set yourself free.

Rare, precious... you just have to treasure it.

It's been years now since we met and shame it took us weeks before we band together. I was lost in the sea of strange faces, confused with all the buzzes; even endured selfish stories before I realized that it's just you guys I've been looking for.

What a rubbish.

I want to share how I started enjoying my life in college but I can't write it amazingly the way I want it to sound as it is. I think I will have to sit-in in a creative writing class next term, don't you think? Section C31 every Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, from 1540 to 1640. Haha!

Hmm... let me try it once more. This time I'll keep it simple and straight.

We met and shared each others stories and dreams;
We accepted one's strengths and weaknesses;
Grew together and dwelt with each other's fantasies;
Endured and triumphed the weeks in KFC altogether;
Showered love, encouragement and faith to one another.

Thank you for the gift of friendship.
It has been and will always be a pleasure having you on board.
Promise me we'll keep our bond forever.
Wherever our destinies bring us, whether be sleepless nights or not,
sa SGV man o hindi,we'll stick like kending malagkit!

Cheers for Irene, Ayan and Lin!

woRd of the m0nth

Serendipity

n. Good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries

1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.

Monday. My law professor cancelled our class so I decided to waste my time in a laboratory. On my way, I remember Tina telling me that she once saw him in a corridor during this time of the day so I went "sana makasalubong ko siya, sana makasalubong ko siya..." and yes, our paths met.

2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.

Friday. It was the last regular day and I'm all 'Huhuhu, I won't see him anymore na.. huhuhu". Feeling really down, as I was entering the room of my next class, Tina hissed so I looked around and whoa! Guess who's in a blue business suit looking verrrry gorgeous??? HIM! And all this time I'm wondering how will he look in a smart attire! Too good for my supposed to be sad day!

3. An instance of making such a discovery.

Wednesday. After my ECONTWO final examination, I proceeded to the computer laboratory on 3rd floor to do a paper. The nature called me so I entertained its call and went out for the powder room. "Won't see him, exams have already started", I thought. But as I straightened my look, there he is, looking flushed but still stunning. He must have ran all the way up to 3rd floor-- but ofcourse he had. He's already late for his exam!

and LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST.

Tuesday. We were about to leave the gates of De La Salle University after this tiring course card day without any sight of him but as soon as we approached the ID machines, there he was with his pals, waiting for whomever. No, I did not pray this time, in fact, I was kind of hoping not to see him for a daring reason. But what happened? I was still able to get a glimpse of him. Hmmm...
(Thank you Erik for accounting what you have eavesdropped, I was able to put him off my mind. NOT.)

So what can I say? The last one can't be counted as a serendipity, rather a mere coincidence. We happen to be in the same exit at the same time. That's all. The rest? I don't care. (ching!)

my sad dRess

Pinning for you I

I'm in pain these days, you know.
You said you want space, fine.
How long could I stop myself though, I don't know.

I'm trying, you see.
Though it tears me apart badly.
I happen to have a strong-willed heart, can't you see?

Foolish heart, stupid love... whatever they call it, here I go again.

--------------------------

Pinning for you II

I love your eyes,
the way they speak when they meet mine.

You're unbelievably cute,
your lips are just inches away, I can easily reach for it.

You remind me of my humble beginnings,
with your baby looks and porma.

Your smile melts my cold heart,
while your suave hair strikes me.

I fell, speechless and all
the time you appeared at the door.

You're just too good to be true,
And I'm stupidly into you.

my BIG mistake

clueless.

that's how i felt right after receiving those messages.
i wasn't aware of what i'm up to until this morning.


regrets.

'wish i could undo my actions.
i did not intend to send such foolishness.


I suck.

save me from this indignity.
should have loved well and not loved much.

the big day

His day. Our Lord's day.

Don't you just love family gatherings?
Same faces. Same names. Same stories.

I do. For someone like me, this event fuels my life. There's just something amazing with this experience.

We all have our own families. Let's enjoy their company as much as we could.

Cheers!

day before christmas

game over

nakakapagod. nakakasawa. ayoko na.