Friday, December 30, 2005

Messages full

A dear friend blessed my phone with lots of crazy nothings, and one striked me hard.

How do I say goodbye to someone I never had?
Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine?
Why is that I miss someone I was never with?
Why do I love someone whose love can never be mine?

How sad can you get?... Whoever its author was, he sure has something to deal with. It's ironic, how love works for some people, yet we can still associate it to something beautiful.

I won't say I love/d him, actually it's far from being at that level. But yes, I adore him. There's something in him, or is it lacking in him, that really caught me. His eyes, the serious look in his face mystified by his smile... they're simply irresistible.

Then I got obssessed.

I tried to live by the saying NO GUTS NO GLORY. I thought there's something because of my new-found capabilities. I've done things I never saw myself doing in my lifetime and found myself doing these foolishness anyway because it felt just right.

And then I crossed his line.

And before I knew it I'd freaked him out. I thought he was just overreacting. But the truth is that I overlooked what's happening between our exchanges. My obessession blinded me well; yeah, I miscalculated the signs he's sending. Damn, I'm so stupid.

If only he's been honest and if only I've been brave enough to accept reality.

I still feel for him. But there's nothing I can do about it for now, otherwise, he might hate me forever. Who wants that, eh?

And I don't want to wait for him either. It will just keep the pain fresh and sour, this waiting. Keeping my hands crossed is like waiting for Maan's turtle gift to materialize, which never happpened by the way.

GIVING UP is not my style.
Though we have to accept that in life YOU HAVE to learn TO LET GO.
It's hard, yes, and will take time.
But it's the right thing to do to set yourself free.


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