inside me

dati pa 'to... i just want to include this in my collection. AND i can't believe i felt writing this one. bilis talaga ng panahon...

I can't move on for a part of me is still hoping that you'd turn around and you'd realize that I'm really the one for you.
I'm torn because though I've already swallowed all my pride and confessed how crazy I am to you still won't appreciate and love me back.
I still can't believe that you are like any other guy who goes for the physical and stop at that; if you'd only dig deeper.
I'm still praying for the time that you'd reach me and cry how sorry you are for being so stupid.
I feel so alone for there's no one who really knows my sorrow, not a single soul.
I hate myself because I can't be the person who will catch your attention and will make you fall for real.
If I can't have you I wish I'd die instead. It's as stupid as it may seem but you really got me badly. And I don't know how could I remedy this obssession. I'm lost, unfocused, confused and desperate. It's you who's in my mind every second; you occupy so much space in me that I can't even think of anything unrelated to you - not even my studies.

Shit.

You know what's funny? No matter how low my grades are now, it's your reactions that still affects me so much. No matter how much catching up I need to do I still can't control myself and take you off my mind. No matter how hard I pray to set myself free from this sorrows you'd still be the my last prayer before I say Amen.

Oh boy. Why am I in this mess?

I've changed a lot after you have happened. For two months things are different now.
Before, I am prepared when I sit for my exams, be it a short quiz or a major one. I don't just tell myself 'If I fail I'll really fail no matter how much studying I did. Bahala na.' Excuses are never entertained. Nor I'm not that confident to say 'I still can answer without reading thoroughly.' I can even finish chapters just for hours but now, not even one for one and a half day. My schedule aren't just written, they were executed faithfully before I met you. Now I'm so behind in my acads and other responsibilities, too peroccupied for more sigificant things, blind and denying. I'm really in the verge of ruining my dreams, my life.

Just because you walked out that door.